Flying Squirrels

(Dodie-to his cousin)  Did you know they used to have flying squirrels in the fifties?  (Cousin) 'They still do'  (Dodie)  I know. 

Before you knew me

So, you and dad went to Gatlinburg before you knew me, then I came out of your belly (technically, 6 years later), then a week later, my sister came out of your belly (technically, 4 years later). 

Bad 'F' cuss word

Mom, I know a bad 'F' cuss word.  I said it sometimes.  (mom) 'Really, what's the bad 'F' cuss word?'  You know, fat.  I know it's not nice to call people that.  (mom-relieved) 'No, it isn't nice to call people that, but it's not technically a cuss word.' 

Some People

Mom, some people in our country just treat it like garbage!

Baby English

(mom asks Dodie after he understands what 2 year old says that no one else can) 'How can you tell what she's saying all the time when I can't even tell?'  Because I just know how to talk Baby English.  I wearned Baby English a long time ago Mom.   

Staring out the Window into Space

(dad) 'What did you learn today at school?'  Nothing, we just played around all day while my teacher stared out the window into space. 

Pizza Planada

Is Pizza Planada really a real state?  I heard that on the Polar Express.

Gas Gauge

How come Dad's not even listenin to his thing that says he needs to get more gas in his car?  It's in the middle, so he needs to get more gas.  He'll be sad when his car breaks down with no gas in it. 

Patience

I don't want to have patience.  I do not like patience AT ALL.  It's so boring and you have to wait around for stuff and you don't even know what to do with all that waitin. 

White Christmas

(said to Dad as he was singing to Bing Crosby's White Christmas)  Dad, will you please stop singin that?  You sound NOTHING like him!

Relaxing music

(after his 2 year old sister had been crying for a while in the car)  Can somebody just put on some relaxing music or somethin?  Maybe that would help.  (after 'relaxing' music, even though sister is still crying)  Ahhh, that's better. 

Getting dark

(while in the car on the way to the store)  Mom, are you goin the right way or is it just gettin dark?

Warm blooded

(mom) 'You need to put your jacket on, it's really cold outside.'  Humans are warm blooded, don't you know that?  I'm not even cold at all because my blood is warm. 

Numbers never end

Did you know that numbers never end?  It would take you like 16 million days to keep countin em and you would be so tired of countin!  You would probably never want to count numbers again if you counted for that long. 

Hard a-workin

I look like I've been a-workin hard, don't I? 

I know who's gonna die first

Hey Mom, guess what?  I know who's gonna die first in our family.  (mom) 'Oh really, who?'  Well, Dad is going to because he's' the oldest.  My sister will die last because she's the youngest.  (mom) 'It doesn't really work like that.'  Well unless we all died on the same day, then we would all go to heaven at the same time! 

Easy ice?

Dad, did you ask for easy ice or hard ice in my drink?  (dad) 'I said easy ice, why?'  Because the ice in my drink is REALLY hard and I don't know why they did that if you said easy ice! 

You didn't beat people in races?

Mom, when I was with you did we play and do fun stuff?  (mom) 'What do you mean when you were with me?'  I mean like when I was in your belly with you, did you do fun stuff like run and play and stuff like that?  (mom) 'I did lots of fun stuff when you were in my belly.'  Did you like run faster than other people because I made you go faster?  (mom) 'Well, I was a lot slower then with you in my belly and I had to be careful. I didn't run really fast like you do.'  So you didn't like beat people in races and stuff?  (mom)  'No, I can't say that I did.' 

My life

(To his two-year-old sister after she repeatedly tried to warn him of his shoes being untied)  Why don't you just stop worryin bout my life!  Ugh!

Girls have more fun

Sometimes I just wish I was a girl.  I don't really want to be a girl for real, but girls get to do more fun things like paint their nails and stuff like that.  Just cuz I'm a boy I don't get to even put boy colors on my nails.  That's not fair. 

In the rain

Mom, we are probly the only ones in the whole world goin to a birthday party in the rain.  Don'tcha think? 

Wish I was human

Mom, I really wish I was human.  (mom) 'Well if you're not human, then what are you?'  I'm just a kid!  (mom) 'What's the difference between a human and a kid?'  One is big and one is small.  I'll be a human one day, but right now I'm just a kid. 

Electric lights??

(mom) 'That water says that it has electrolytes in it.'  What?!?  It has electric lights in it?!?!

What time

Mom, guess what time we went to bed last night?  It was twelve o'seventeen.  That was late wasn't it? (even though the night before bedtime was 2:07am)

Way over 65

Mom, you are like way over 65 aren't you?  (mom) 'What do you mean?'  I mean, you are like way over 65 years old, right? 

Humans only

(Mom) 'Is there something going on at your school that we are supposed to go to?  There are lots of cars in the parking lot.'  Nah, maybe they are just havin something for humans only.  Probly we don't need to go to that. 

Before I knew her name

I member when my sister was in your belly kickin all around and making you sick.  That was before I even knew her name.  Then the doctors got her out of your belly and I named her.  That was a long time ago. 

Daggone Cool

Mom!  Guess what?  I know somethin so good...AND it's daggone cool.  I'll tell you bout it later.

Junk

(mom) 'What did you learn at school today?'  Nothin, cept a bunch of junk.  Anyways I already forgot all of it.

Recipes

Mom, why do you have so many recipes and you're not even listenin to any of em'?

Five year olds

When I was like 5 years old if I cut my finger like this, I would have been cryin' like wah, wah, wah, like a baby.  Five year olds don't even know what their doin'.  Ever since I been 6 years old I don't cry bout stuff like that.

Pillow smells like banilla

Mom, sometimes after you already left for work, I lay my head on your pillow cuz it smells like you.  It smells like banilla.  Is it okay that I do that?

Chew on

Mom, I need to chew on somethinn.  Do we have some food that I can chew on?  I'm hungry.

Must be trainin him for soccer

Hey Mom, did you see my coach dressed up in his army uniform?  He's an army man!  I guess the army must be trainin him for soccer, you think?  I want to be an army man when I grow up.  What kind of stuff do they do anyway?

Dead fish

(overheard conversation with his 2 yr old sister while eating fish)  You know they had to kill that fish just so we could eat it?  They had to make the fishy be dead so they could cook it up and then we could it eat.  Did you knowed that?  Yep, they killed the fish all the way and then took all the bones out.  Now we're eatin it!

Big giant huge door

Mom, I wish I had a little tiny secret passageway door to get into my room through this wall.  Then there could be a big, giant, huge door...for big people like you. 

If I get married

(after talking about how expensive diapers are for his sister)  If I get married and if I get married to a girl and if she has a baby, I will buy all the diapers for the baby.

Air guitar

I just don't know why I can't have an air guitar.  Do I have to wait for Christmas or somethin?

Take her down

Mom-'Why is your sister (2 yrs old) crying, what happened?'  She was tryin to turn off the tv again and I had to take her down!  I couldn't help it cuz she was going to break the tv from turnin it off and on all the time!!!

Holded my breath

Mom, did you know that I holded my breath for 16 minutes?  Mom-'Wow, when did you do that?'  At school the other day. I didn't even pass out or nothin. 

Baby Liminator

I'm gonna vent something cool.  It's called a baby-liminator and somethin else called a human-inator.  The baby liminator will make big people act like babies and even poop in their pants and everything.  Then the human-inator will turn them back into big people.  It will even work on animals.

When I was in your belly

I'm just tryin to figure out somethin.  How did you know that I was in your belly a long time ago?  Did you just have to go to the doctor and ask em' why is my belly gettin so big?

One-dy Nine

Mom, that says 1-1-9, that's one-dy nine, right?

Bad words in my head

Sometimes, when I get frustwated, I say bad words in my head so that no one can hear me say em'.  (Mom starts to worry) 'What kind of bad words do you say in your head?'  Well, don't tell Dad okay?  Like sometimes I say hate and I know thats not nice and sometimes I say stupid, like 'that was so stupid!'  No one even hears me say it in my head!

They might fall in love with me

(after using Daddy's Axe body wash & seeing the back of it has a girl chasing after a boy) I hope that none of the girls on my soccer team get close enough to smell me.  Mom-'Why?'  Cuz they might fall in love with me! 

This town we live in

I'm gonna get a crew of people & learn em' how to be good guys. Mom-'Where are you going to get your crew?' From this town we live in. Mom'What kind of things is your crew going to do?' They will help people. 'Help them do what?' Just help em with whatever they need help with.

A hundred motorcycles and dirt bikes

(after finding out that Mommy ran into a fence with daddy's dirt bike a long time ago) Mom, I'm gonna get you a hundred motorcycles and dirt bikes for your birthday. That way when you crash em' every single day, you will still have another one

Not good news

I always have not good news about that one boy in my class.  He is always doing bad things.  Today he was leaning across the desk and he had to move tables.  I don't have any other news about anyone else in my class.  He's the only bad one.

Want to hear the good news about him?  It's actually still bad news.  He was on yellow and then he clipped off the chart without the teacher telling him to do that.  That's not good at all.  Then he got on red.

Sticker bushes

If you accidentally touch one of those sticker bush things, it will hurt your hand and you have to eat one-handed the rest of your life.  Someone would even have to bring you food outside and feed it to you and everything. For real.

Waste of time

School just wastes all of the time that we could be doin fun stuff.  School wastes all of my fun time. 

Paint this town red

(on the morning of going somewhere super exciting) Hey Dad, let's go get some paintbrushes and paint this town red!

girls are SO weird

I have made lots of new friends in my class, and all of them are not girls.  Mom-'So your new friends are mostly boys?'  Yes!  The girls in my class are SO weird!  They just talk allll the time and never stop.  They always ask me so many questions all the time.  The boys don't do that.  The girls are just crazy!

Soccer

Dad-'We need to try on your old cleats to see if they still fit, it not, we'll buy you some new ones.'  (before trying them on) I really love the old ones but I would really, really love new ones.  I had the old ones for a hundred thousand years since I was like 4 or 5 years old.  I really want to have new ones.  Dad-'Do you have money to pay for them then?'  No. You're the one that signed me up for soccer, so you have to pay for them. 

You don't know what it's like

After talking to his Dad about why he is having a hard time getting excited about going to the first grade.  Dad, you just don't understand what it's like to be a little kid.  Dad-I understand, I was a kid once.  But you grewed up too fast, so you don't even remember. 

How am I even walkin?

Dad, did you know I'm just made out of blood and bones and skin?  HOW am I even walkin? 

My brain

Way after bedtime (10:00pm)
I'm hungry and my brain is just telling me that I want mashed potatoes and peas but it's probably way too late for you to make that, right?  'Yes, way too late for that.'

They would just run away

After discussing how adults have to buy things that are not that fun:  When I'm a dad, if I made my kids buy stuff like dishwashers and stuff like that, they would just run away.  Don't you think? 

Don't you know?

After asking why he gets so nervous or anxious about school - Mom, I'm just a little kid, don't you know that?  I don't like bein places for long times that are boring.  I get distracted easily.  Today I almost felled asleep in class.  Actually I did fall asleep for a second. 

Ears

After complaining about his ears hurting after he got home from school, Mom kept checking his ears (several times).  Ugh, stop it Mom!!!  WHY are you so worried about my ears????  Mom - 'Because I want to make sure you don't have an ear infection.'  My ears are fine, you need to stop worryin bout em' so much.   

Box of Death

While playing with his 2 year old sister - Come on, let's get into the box of scary-ness.  (mom)-'Don't scare her or she won't want to play with you.'  Actually, it's called 'The Box of Death'.  'Oh, well that's much better than the box of scary-ness.  I'm sure that won't scare her at all'  Not long after that, she screamed her way out of the box. : )

Dodie's philosophy on grilling

If it smells good while it's cookin, then it must be good.      Later, after trying boneless pork chops with maple smokehouse seasoning:  It kind of tastes like bones at first, but then it tastes only a little bit good.

Haircuts, the good and the bad

I do like getting haircuts, cept sometimes I don't like it very much.  I do like that thing they do on my head but I don't like when they spray me with water and it gets in my eyes and stuff like that.  But I do like haircuts, cept when I don't like em'.

Party out

Hey, who wants to 'party out' in my room with me?  or sometimes it's  Hey, who wants to 'rock out' in my room with me?  & sometimes it's Hey, who wants to 'party rock' in my room with me?  Awwwww yeahhhhhh!!!

Lightninging

Did you see that?!  It was lightninging allll over Taco Bell. 

Only time you get to slap Mom

Mom, if you pass out, I will slap you really hard on both sides of your face to see if you wake up.  Then if you still don't wake up, I'll call Dad.

Do I look like I'm ready?

'It's about time for you to learn how to tie your shoes, like TODAY.'  Dad, do I look like I'm ready?  'Ready for what?'  To tie my shoes!

Mean Voice

(While being punished for lying)  Why do you use your mean voice to talk to me sometimes?  'If you are doing something that you shouldn't be doing or you are not listening to me, then I use my mean voice.  If you make good choices, I won't use my mean voice.'  Well I don't like your mean voice.  It's not nice to take away my new toy.  When I'm older, I'm going to move away and be alone.  And I'm not gonna call you at all, EVER. 

2 minutes later... Mom, I was just kidding when I said that.  That was ridicilous, wasn't it?  haha

Grandpa

Mom, will I ever be as old as you are?  'Yep, one day you will be as old as me.'  For real?  You mean one day I am going to be an old Grandpa?  'So, you think that I'm as old as a Grandpa?'  No, I think that you are as old as like, a Gran-lady.

Love and Marriage

Dodie Head's philosophy on love:  Some people love each other and they get married.  Some people love each other and they don't ever get married.  And that's just how it is.

Do they know?

(While watching the opening ceremonies for the 2012 Summer Olympics)  'Do they know that we're watchin em?'

Not nice things

I said a couple things that weren't very nice to Aunt Linda today.  'Why did you do that?'  I just didn't feel like to be very nice today.  I don't know.  I don't want to talk about it and don't tell my dad.  But I was nice to her the rest of the day.  Just those couple of things were not nice things.  Everything else was nice. 

Tastebugs

It tasted a little bit good, but not that good.  My tastebugs are not workin real good today. 

I just don't want to do anything

Uhhhh.  Really?  Do you have to say that?  Please stop!  I don't want to do anything.  RRRRRRRRRR!  I'm getting really mad!!!!!!  Arrrggghhh!!!!!!  I just snorted hahahaha.  I'm going to leave a fart bomb for daddy that will blow up in his face everywhere.  Poopy.

I know

Mom, I know what your problem is. You are grouchy!  You are just so grouchy.  Because you need to go to sleep and you didn't get enough sleep last night.  What do you think?  yes or no?  Am I right? 

Weird

Okay Mom, I'm gonna do somethin weird, but just please, please let me do it.  Okay?  Please?  Just don't say no okay?  'What are you going to do?'  I'm just going to mix ketchup and water in my cup and drink it, okay?

Stay or Go

This boy at the Y pushed me today.  I don't even know why he pushed me because I'm bigger than him but he's always mean to me every time.  When he tried to push me again I just had two choices, to stay or go.  So I go'd.  He didn't even get me the next time because I was too fast.  Then I tell'd on him. 

Screaming Missile Bomb

I'm gonna put a screaming missile on it (a straw with glue on the end) when it's 4th of July again.  I'm gonna put paper and tape on it and it's gonna catch on fire and it's gonna blow up in the air and go raaaaaaaaa boom!  This gonna be awesome int't it?

Bread

Mom!  Do you know what is inside of bread?!?  MORE BREAD!!!!  Did you knowed that already?